It’s time to accept all cookies because Windows95Man is heading to Malmö!
On February 10 th at Nokia Arena in Tampere, Finland showed Europe how capable they are of hosting
Eurovision. UMK began with Kuumaa and one of the evening’s hosts, Benjamin, singing a mashup of
their UMK 2023 entries Ylivoimainen and Hoida Mut. After, we met our other hosts, Pilvi Hämäläinen
and Viivi Pumpanen.
Our first performer was Sini Sabotage with Kuori mua. Sini Sabotage began cosplaying as Kris Jenner.
Throughout the onion-themed song, she shed her layers to reveal her true, long-haired self. Though the
performance wasn’t technically smooth, Sini started the show with a bang!
Cyan Kicks hit the stage running. For a band with a colour in its name, they sure love their black and
white staging. Dancing with Demons was an explosion of energy and rock! This must be what a Cyan
Kicks concert feels like.
Can Jesse Markin follow me around when I need some positivity? Glow lit up the stage with its afro-
house dance beats and masterful lyrics and rapping. I wish I could move like his dancers, but the only
thing I can pop and lock are my knees.
Mikael Gabriel X Nublu started their performance of Vox Populi on larger-than-life podiums as if
preparing for debate, but all they ended up doing was tossing money and breaking my screen with an
imaginary ball. Effective staging—but I won’t be voting for their ideals.
Sara Siipola brought all the drama to her staging of Paskana, a powerful ballad about grief. She poured
her soul out while a glowing ball circled her. I’m gonna need Jesse Markin to lift me back up after being
wrecked by Sara Siipola.
Sexmane’s song Mania shared his battle with mental health. This idea was reflected through bungee
cords that tugged at him throughout his performance. While rough around the edges, Sexmane had us
cheering for him as he pulled against his restraints.
Finally, we had Windows95Man with No Rules! A classic story: young hatchling, Windows95Man,
emerges from his jean-covered egg to search for his jorts. The staging masterfully conceals his “nudity”
with clever comedic bits until he triumphantly retrieves his jorts and celebration ensues. This
performance is not to be taken seriously but not to be taken as a joke either. Every moment is carefully
crafted.
As voting started, so did the interval acts. Host Pilvi Hämäläinen was first, followed by the Finnish Radio
Symphony Orchestra’s version of Käärijä’s Cha Cha Cha, then Katri Helena who represented Finland at
Eurovision twice. Käärijä and Erika Vikman performed their new song Ruoska before Käärija brought the
house down with Cha Cha Cha.
Now: the results. Finland is big on the voice of the people, so the results were 25% international jury and
75% televote. While the jury favoured Sara Siipola, the televote was crushed by Window95Man, who
went from last in the jury to first overall.
I now suggest you update and install Windows95Man for the Eurovision stage in Malmö.